Sorry To Be So Cheerful (1955) - Hildegarde Dolson

Hildegarde Dolson (1908-1981), you're just all right with me.  I adore you, and I have since I discovered We Shook the Family Tree.  Even though you've been gone 30 years, I want you to become a breakout author.  Rediscovered with relish. I want your hometown, Franklin, Pennsylvania, to be blanketed with scholars on fire to research your life and work.  In my own small way, I can help get the party started by rhapsodizing about my very favorite of your books, Sorry To Be So Cheerful, a collection of short humor pieces written over 20 years.

I left my  copy of STBSC back in the US, and I'm cursing myself for not at least getting a picture of the cover of the book.  I made some mad handwritten notes, (mostly titles) that I'm trying to decipher.  Consequently, the pieces I'll mention here are not in any particular order, especially not Hildegarde's.  Miss Dolson's.  Oh, damn.  I'm having that awkwardness about what to call authors that I love too much.   I'd better press on.  One last thing:  Imagine a female James Thurber, and you'll have an idea about Hildegarde Dolson's writing style.

"Proletariat with Duncan Phyfe Legs" - As a young copywriter, Hildegarde gets a job working for a department store in New Jersey.  The head of advertising, a woman named Freda, teaches Hildegarde how to write about furniture.  "Women want facts about the furniture they're buying."  Hildegarde's blank look quickly gives away the sum of her knowledge: "Mahogany is reddish brown.  Oriental rugs have designs on them and broadcloth doesn't.  A long stuffed thing is a sofa."  Hildegarde is a quick study, noting that her instructor has "splayfoot" like the legs on Duncan Phyfe furniture.  Once Hildegarde has a firm grasp, Freda begins to prostletize about the Communist Party.  Hildegarde mistakenly thinks that  Freda is  just telling interesting stories about history. When Freda is hungover, the effort is too much: "Go fly away to Heaven.  I'm drunk, and your goddam beaming hurts my eyes."  Finally, she surrenders in disgust when Hildegarde announces that she has a date with a guy who works on Wall Street.


"Beast of Sea" - During the war, Hildegarde's friend, Hobart is stationed on some remote island in the Pacific and wants a recipe featuring Chinese sea slugs called "Beche-de-Mer." Determined to do her patriotic duty, Hildegarde practically turns NYC upside down looking for this culinary delight.


"Spilling Tea with Emily Post" - Hildegarde interviews the etiquette maven who makes her a nervous wreck about her behavior.  After all of her precautions, her friend Arthur finds a way to finish off her reputation entirely.


"Myopia, My Own" - Nearsighted Hildegarde gives a whole new meaning to the term "blind date"


"Say 'Hemlock' and Flop" - Going through a bout of insomnia, Hildegarde gamely tries out all the cures her friends come up with.  This is my own personal favorite piece in STBSC.


"Tap the Centers and Snarl" - Hildegarde goes to an unconventional massuesse from Croatia who aligns her chakras by engaging in a snarling contest with her.


"One Assassin, One Soft-Boiled Egg" - Traveling back to her hometown of Franklin, PA for Easter, Hildegarde finds her likeness on display in a store window as a painted egg along with Franklin's other most famous (temporary) citizen, John Wilkes Booth.


"Wait and Be Stung" - Vacationing in a warmer climate for her health, Hildegarde cracks under pressure at a dude ranch in Arizona when she discovers that there are scorpions everywhere.


"Shipwrecked in Central Park" - Arthur gets a romantic notion to take Hildegarde around the lake in Central Park, which she finds odd since the two of them are "both pushing 40 backwards".  Also, Arthur has no clue about how to row and Hildegarde is a less-than-promising navigator.


"I'm Saving My Hair for a Second-Hand Car" - A hairdresser assures Hildegarde that her darkening blonde hair is "true drab blonde" and convinces her that she's got tresses worth a pile of money under her hat, perhaps enough to buy a car.  But how will she fit "true drab blonde" into that tiny space for hair color on the driver's license?


"Let's Fall in Love" - Hildegarde unearths an 1896 tome called Our Social Manual for All Occasions.  In it, she finds out how men should go about writing the proper proposal letter, which goes light on the love talk and heavy on talk about providing creature comforts as well as the proper references.  'Deliberate fully, for this is a life affair," the prospective groom is supposed to counsel the future bride.  Hildegarde remarks, "There's a letter you could read without a tremor in any courtroom.  For that matter, you could even read it in private without a tremor."

Happy Thanksgiving: Bird Is The Word

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving -- not just because Mitzi dazzled the book group on Sunday with her cooking mojo, which certainly added to my feeling of well-being -- but also because Miami Heat, my fellow Don Robertson fan left me a comment that the second book in the Morris Bird III trilogy, The Sum And Total Of Now is going to be published in August of 2009!

This is wonderful news because it looks like they're on track to publish the complete trilogy, and also because The Sum and Total of Now was getting expensive and difficult to find. When I reread the trilogy back in 2004, I had to borrow it on interlibrary loan. If you're feeling flush and can't wait for all the books to come out, let me refresh your memory about this series:

• The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. It's 1944 in Cleveland and 9-year-old Morris Bird III skips school one day to visit his old friend who moved to another neighborhood. His journey coincides with a fateful day in Cleveland's history.

• The Sum and Total of Now. This novel opens four years later. Morris Bird III is mortified by his spotty complexion, in love with his classmate, Julie Sutton, dazzled by Humphrey Bogart's performance as Fred C. Dobbs in The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre and faces a dilemma about the person he loves most. The backdrop of the story is that the Indians are about to clinch the pennant race.

• The Greatest Thing That Almost Happened. Another four years have gone by, and young men not much older than Morris Bird III are going off to fight in Korea. Morris Bird III is a senior in high school, and a star on the basketball team. Julie Sutton is now his girlfriend, and as the holidays are approaching, Morris Bird III is stunned to find himself suddenly facing the biggest challenge of his life.

That's a picture of me from last April, jubilantly holding my newly-arrived copy of The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. You're probably asking yourself, Dang, doesn't Bybee ever wear anything but that Missouri Tigers sweatshirt? The short answer of course is: Are you kidding? See those shelves behind me? That's what could have been a new wardrobe.

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread by Don Robertson

Now the countdown truly begins. A month from today, The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread by Don Robertson will be released. As the time draws closer, I know I'm going to be more and more anxious. What if people don't like it? Then I think: How could they not like it? Then I try to think of ways that people could carp at it, and I start bristling in advance.

Even as a bookworm, it feels strange to be so emotionally attached to a book. Morris Bird III himself might be a little amazed, but philosophically take it all in stride. His pal Teddy would probably give me a reality check in his own inimitable fashion: Eebyb, eruoy stun.

Wishlist Wednesday: The Ideal, Genuine Man by Don Robertson

This has been on my wishlist for several years now, and no need to wonder why. Don Robertson, my all-time lit hero wrote it. I'm not even sure what the storyline of The Ideal, Genuine Man is about. All I know is that it was published by Stephen King's Philtrum Press, King wrote the foreword and the two of them, Robertson and King, went on a U.S. book tour together. Published in 1987, this was Robertson's third-to-last book. I expect it has its share of darkness and grim humor. I'm up for that!

Speaking of Don Robertson, there is finally a cover picture up at Amazon for The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. It's beautifully done. I was worried it wouldn't be good.

Bird Is The Word

Countdown! In exactly 2 months, The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread by Don Robertson will be re-released, and a whole new generation will have the opportunity to meet Morris Bird III, one of the greatest characters in American literature. I'm not saying this lightly -- I put Morris Bird III (Robertson always refers to him by his whole goofy name) right up there with Huck and Holden and Scout.

I've already pre-ordered my copy from Amazon, but it irks me that there's no cover image up yet. I'm so pleased and nervous about the upcoming release. Here's hoping that this wonderful 43-year-old novel will be widely advertised and reviewed and rescued from near-obscurity. Here's hoping that book clubs all over will decide to read it. Maybe it'll get Oprah's attention and sell a bajillion copies. I wish she were from Cleveland (where the action in the novel takes place); she'd be all over it. But even if the book never enters her perception, there's always Stephen King, who's a Don Robertson fan. Maybe he'll help with the buzz. Meanwhile, I'm doing my part. I'll post about this again next month. Maybe sooner.

April 22, 2008: Circle Your Calendars!

Yes, I'm happy. Extremely pleased. Today I got word from John, a blog reader that seems to share my Don Robertson obsession, that The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread will be re-released in paperback on April 22, 2008!

http://www.amazon.com/Greatest-Thing-Since-Sliced-Bread/dp/0061452963/ref=sr_oe_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196695218&sr=1-1

Maybe it's too much to hope for, but if The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread does well, (and why wouldn't it do well? It's terrific!) perhaps Harper will come out with the other two books in the Morris Bird III trilogy, The Sum And Total Of Now and The Greatest Thing That Almost Happened.

If you've read this book and enjoyed it, please talk it up in your blog. If you haven't, keep an eye out this upcoming year for one of the finest coming-of-age stories you'll ever read.

I see good things ahead: Don Robertson will be discovered by a whole new generation of readers and he'll get his own Wikipedia entry. Libraries will order the novel instead of sticking it on the discard table, and Clevelanders who have been like "Don who?" will suddenly regain their memories and be able to knowledgably discuss their hometown author and one of the great literary characters of the 20th century set against the backdrop of their own city. It's about damn time!

Neglected Author: Don Robertson

One of my very favorite fictional characters is a boy named Morris Bird III. His life is chronicled in three books by Don Robertson: The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread (1965), The Sum And Total Of Now (1966) and The Greatest Thing That Almost Happened (1970). Each novel takes place around a key event in Cleveland's history, which is where Morris Bird III and his family live.

In The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread, the year is 1944, and Morris Bird III (Robertson always refers to him by his sweet and goofy full name) is nine years old, and full of the usual angst life in the 4th grade seems to bring, although he is the greatest kickball player at his school. One day, he decides to cut school to go visit his old buddy from the second grade, Stanley Chaloupka, who moved to East Cleveland sometime back.

Morris Bird III plans the long journey (on foot) carefully. Armed with supplies (including a jar of peanut butter than will come in handy in ways he never could have envisioned) and his red wagon (ditto) he and his slightly bratty six-year-old sister, Sandra (who has blackmailed him into taking her along at the last moment) head for Chaloupka's home in East Cleveland. Unbeknownst to him, or anyone else, his arrival time and destination coincide with the East Ohio Gas explosion, in which over 100 people were killed and much of that section of the city had to be rebuilt.

Morris Bird III wants to see Chaloupka again and play with his elaborate toy train set, but this is also a heroic quest for him. Morris Bird III wants to prove to himself once and for all that he is not a sissy. By the end of The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread, he is not only NOT a sissy, he is a hero.

In The Sum And Total Of Now, it's four years later. 1948. Morris Bird III is now thirteen years old. He's in love with his classmate, Julie Sutton and mortified by his suddenly spotty complexion. The Cleveland Indians are poised to win the American League championship and will go on to win the World Series that year.

The person Morris Bird III loves best in the world, his grandmother, is dying of cancer. Morris Bird III spends most of the novel miserably listening to his mother (who he memorably compares to Fred C. Dobbs, the Humphrey Bogart character in Treasure Of The Sierra Madre) and her siblings haggle at the tops of their voices night after night over who will get what furniture while the grandmother lies upstairs, dying. Morris is called upon to make an unfair choice, and in a related incident, makes one of his own.

Robertson's writing style is definitely from the school of naturalism, which becomes apparent as the reader gets a full blow-by-blow account of an Indians game that Morris Bird III attends with his friend's father.

The Korean War is the backdrop for the final novel in the trilogy, The Greatest Thing That Almost Happened. Morris Bird III is 17 years old and a basketball player at his high school, where he is a senior. His big dream is to have sex with his now-girlfriend, Julie Sutton. Shortly before Christmas, 1952, Morris Bird III will face the greatest challenge of his life.

Not only did Robertson seem to remember so well what it was like to be all these ages, the books are chock-full of information about life in 1944, 1948, and 1952. It's like being in a time machine. He also wrote humor and sadness with equal craftsmanship.

I'm not very good at math, so it took a while (30+ years!) for me to realize that Morris Bird III was born the same year as my father, 1935. I'm sure that partially explains my strong affection for this character.

All three books in the trilogy are wonderful, but if you read just one, that should be The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. I would put this novel up against To Kill A Mockingbird or The Catcher In The Rye as a contender for "Greatest Coming-Of-Age Novel". (Actually, I'm going to go back and add it to my book meme as soon as I finish writing this sentence.)

Since most of Don Robertson's books are out-of-print, the Morris Bird III trilogy is a little expensive, especially The Sum And Total Of Now. Your best bet is your local library and probably inter-library loan.

Don Robertson (1929-1999) wrote many other novels including A Flag Full Of Stars (1964), Paradise Falls (1968) Praise The Human Season (1974) Victoria At Nine (1979) and Prisoners Of Twilight (1988). Stephen King counts Robertson as one of his influences, and in the 1980s, published Robertson's novel, The Ideal, Genuine Man, with an effusive introduction of praise.

In 1966, Don Robertson won the Cleveland Arts Prize for Literature. In 1991, Robertson received The Mark Twain Award from The Society For The Study Of Midwestern Literature. In spite of this acclaim, today he's largely unknown. He doesn't even have a page on Wikipedia, which I found surprising, because he had a long career, sold many copies of his novels and wasn't just a flash in the pan. Even more shocking, although he was a resident of Cleveland most of his life, he doesn't seem to be remembered in his own hometown! I eagerly asked a librarian who has worked in Cleveland for many years about him, and she said: "Who?"

Sigh. Eventually, good authors get rediscovered. It happened to Dawn Powell, another writer from Ohio. But I'm feeling impatient. I can't wait around for twenty years for some PhD. literary snot to do a dissertation on Don Robertson and beam with pride like he or she's the only one who ever heard of Robertson while all the book critics tie themselves into knots with delight over fresh literary treasure. I want Don Robertson to be rediscovered NOW. Un-neglected NOW. The sooner his books are back in print, the better. It's time. No, scratch that. It's past time.

Don Robertson

I'm not much on writing fan letters to authors, but I should be. I appreciate what they do. It's really more than appreciate; their words feel like my life's blood.

If I were to write to an author, I'd like to write to Stephen King. I enjoy much of his fiction. Even more, I feel as if he's talking to his readers about books when he recommends a book via a column like the one in ENERTAINMENT WEEKLY, or even when one of his characters reads a book. I've had a warm glow in my heart for Mr. King ever since he dedicated FIRESTARTER to "Shirley Jackson, who never had to raise her voice."

The glow was intensified last week while I was at the library hunting up an author I read back in middle school and enjoyed very much: Don Robertson. He wrote a trilogy of books about a character named Morris Bird III, who grew up during the 40's and 50's. The first one is THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD, in which Morris Bird III is 9 years old. THE SUM AND TOTAL OF NOW portrays Morris Bird III (Robertson always refers to the character by his full name!) in adolesence, about 13 or 14. THE GREATEST THING THAT ALMOST HAPPENED has Morris as a senior in high school facing a serious challenge.

I couldn't find any of these books (grrrr!) on the shelf, nor are they anywhere in the system, which includes several libraries (double grrr!). I did find a later Robertson novel called PRISONERS OF TWILIGHT, which takes place during the last days of the Civil War. I promptly snatched it up as a consolation prize. I turned to the back flap and there was an endorsement for Robertson's fiction by Stephen King. King praised Robertson, writing that Robertson is the latest in a long line of American storytellers "who wrote naturalistic fiction...that line descends from Mark Twain to Stephen Crane to Frank Norris...He has written as brilliantly as any of these men."

Zowie!

I also noticed, reading Robertson's biography that he's from Cleveland. (The Morris Bird III books take place there.) Double Zowie! I'm in love with Cleveland right now because of Harvey (AMERICAN SPLENDOR) Pekar.